Hello and thank you for coming here to read my blogs.
First let me just say before I start that I am already on episode 10, WOW! I am super proud of myself. For so long I talked about this, but the fact that I am actually doing it, makes me really happy.
So if you already listened to the podcast you might be here to see what I have to say about it. You may be wondering how I made it after listening to my bathroom story. Sometimes, I ask myself the same thing. I look back over my life and say Nita, how, how did you deal with it, how did you make it.
This episode was about the Detached Self-Awareness. Now let me say a person can display all 3 types of self-awareness. No, I am not saying there are 3 parts of your personality. I am saying for all of these types depending on the situation you are or may be operating in one or more of the types of self-awareness.
When it comes to my personal story of trauma and abuse. I have many to share. That bathroom story was not the only one nor, was it the only time. I can recall standing in front of that bathroom mirror plenty of times. I can even recall standing there as my abuser would stand there and "nurse" me. I would be thinking move fool, you are the one who did this.
Now so you can understand for those who may not know, all this was going on with me while I was still in High School. You heard me High School. In case you haven't been following my story I was in an arranged marriage. My husband was 10 years older than me.
So during this time when I was 16 yep, he was 26. Shocker right! You may be wondering how in the world did something like this happen? Did your parents know? Why?
We'll I will write a blog all about it , I can't give away too many details, because I am writing a book on the very topic right now! I've been putting it off, and now I am getting serious. I plan to be finish with the book by the end of the year. That is giving me plenty of time really cause I don't plan on it being an 800 page book. Ha!
So as I was saying I can tell you some of those moments flashed through my mind when I was doing my soul searching self -awareness through shadow work. I can remember my head being smashed into the bathroom mirror. I can remember being dragged down the hall by my wrist. I can remember being tossed over his shoulder like a shirt and carried into the bedroom. I can recall hearing the door slam and him slamming me down upon the bed, turning to lock the door, as if someone would walk in I would think, no I realized that was to buy him time in case I try to run out of the room. He would then get on top of me and punch me or choke me, and then begin to assault me sexually. Then off to sleep he goes. While I lie there in pain.
To be free from that abuse during the time it was taking place seemed like a fantasy. Now when I think of how I have that in my past and I actually escaped, it is sometimes a shock to me. I know I owe many for my escape, God, my best friend and me. I am so grateful for my life in many ways.
I share these experiences as an encouragement to someone who may be going through the same thing and don't think they will make it. You may feel there is no hope but there is.
If you would have asked me or even told me I would be where I am today and all the things that happened in my life after I left, I wouldn't believe it. Don't give up or give in. Stand!
Well, I think this bring me to the close of this blog, did you like it? I hope so.
Until next time take care of yourself.
Nita